Empty Nesting

I started this transition 8 years ago, and both girls were actually living out of the house and out of town as of 3 plus years ago. As for kids being out of town, they are 3 ½ hours away and both in the same place. That is certainly a better scenario than some families have. We have had lots of distractions, included and not limited to: moving twice, building our first house, my working on a doctorate degree, focusing on my dad during his declining health and passing, and a lot of the same issues everyone else deals with. As a teacher, I was blessed with more time with my girls than most working mothers have. Summers were especially fun, and what teacher doesn’t love summer anyway. Some of the distractions we had after the girls moved have died down, making the “empty nest” come more to the forefront. While I feel blessed to have had so much rip roarin’ fun over 3 decades with family and friends while all their kids were growing up, I feel the stark difference as time with friends even decreases as they go elsewhere whenever they have time to be with their own kids.

Although it is my nature and self-expectation to always be joyful and positive, I am learning that it is okay to allow myself to feel sad briefly and even cry if necessary. In my ideal little world, my kids and all my friends’ kids were going to grow up, have their own little families here, and the get-togethers would continue and grow even larger and more fun. This is one of those cases where expectations did not happen and it is okay to grieve for that loss. (I have trouble giving myself permission to do this) It is also interesting to note that as an only child, I have never felt a want or need for a sibling. I think I have always been blessed with friends that kept me from feeling that need. I find myself recently thinking it would have been nice to have someone who not only shares some experiences, but is there for family get-togethers since all of our loved ones outside my immediate family are elderly and many have passed in the last several years.

I share all this to prepare and suggest mothers develop some outside interests that they can pursue. A real key for me also is to spend time with the Lord daily, developing an attitude of gratitude, seeking my joy from that source, and listening for opportunities of service so I can focus outside of myself. While I loved pursuing my interest and passion for education by working toward the doctorate, I don’t see that as a cost effective distraction at this point. I have always liked cooking for big parties and groups, which gave me an outlet for living with a strictly meat and potatoes man. He actually does 99% of the cooking now, because he is particular, and wants to do things a certain way—which is boring. I know longer have a big audience for parties, picnics, etc., but I am going to start trying new recipes. My outlet will be a little for me to eat and my husband to try (maybe he will like something) and taking food to 3-4 people/families who could use meals for a variety of reasons. I’m starting with Pioneer Woman recipes. She cooks for cowboys (herds beef) and not low--fat, so I’m hoping there will be something appealing for my cowboy (prefers to eat beef). Doing this blog has also been a good experience and a way, as I said before, to leave information about the family’s life and my thoughts to my kids and grandkids. I recently sewed a dress for granddaughters too after years of not even having a working machine (now have a new one –courtesy of my daughters), which may be fun to piddle with. I know that music is also uplifting and especially the music that you associate with good times, I will use my iPod (also courtesy of my daughters) to utilize that as a mood elevator as I cook, sew, and maybe boogie a few calories off (I have always love to dance too).

I guess my approach to the empty nest and the occasional underlying sadness is threefold: 1) develop deep roots of joy and a thankful heart with God’s help while taking time to listen to needs of others that He plants in my heart. 2) focus outside of myself on needs of others and things I can do for them. 3) start finding things of interest and trying them and doing things I know I enjoy, but haven’t done for a while.